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Pokémon = Pocket Monster

To the person who stole my five-year-old's favorite Snorlax rock: yours better be a make-a-wish-foundation type of situation to justify your theft, because not only have you made a five-year-old girl cry inconsolably, you have quite possibly permanently destroyed her faith in humanity. She no longer believes it safe to display her beloved rocks in front of her home, because people are terrible and steal little girls' rocks. Also, have you any idea how much work it is to replace a Snorlax rock?

The Japanese believe that everything has within it kami, a spiritual essence, the energy generating the thing. Kami is present in all things under the sun: trees, rocks, animals, and places.

The first step to creating a Snorlax rock is to find a rock that's big enough, and which passes the stand test (will it keel over on its own, or on a windy day?) Really look at the rock; feel its essence. Turn its weight over in your hands. Note its imperfections and decide if they are unacceptable, or are actually characteristics of the creature itself. The rock must have a Snorlax (or Jigglypuff, Swinub...) inside.

Get the child's input. Because you don't want to get it wrong. Children can see Totoros, fox spirits, right into the heart of river rocks. Also they can throw fits and demand re-dos if the rock's exterior does not match what's inside.

Clean, prime, paint, and spray the rock. This takes longer and creates a mess if you allow the child to help, but it will be good for her soul, or something.


Repeat n times because child demands more rocks to compensate for her emotional distress re: theft of favorite pokemon rock & loss of faith in basic human decency. After all, rocks and nature are more steadfast and loyal than people--provided they cannot be stolen away (by idiots, capitalism, villains, etc.)

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