Rule of Nines: quick method to assess burns

If clothing or skin catches fire, stop, drop, and roll.

Writers must develop thick skin to survive. Where the skin is thinnest more damage occurs from burns: face, hands, perineum, feet, the skin of the elderly.

The Rule of Nines divides the body into multiples of nine to quickly approximate the extent of burns. Head 9%, each arm 9%, each side of each leg 9%, the trunk 18%, privates 1%.

Burns may be classified by cause or degree.

Dry heat injuries: open flames, explosions.

Moist heat injuries: hot pot of red bean soup, steam from rice cooker.

Contact burns: contact with hot pan, chicken grease, lard.

Chemical burns: drain cleaner, oven cleaner, sulfuric acid, a particularly caustic rejection letter.

Electrical burns: electrical current passing through body.

Thermal burns: clothing on fire.

Flash (arch) burns: contact with electrical current traveling through air, from one conductor to another.

Conductive electrical injury: from touching electrical equipment.

Radiation burns: therapeutic treatment, sunburn.

Most writers know the familiar sting of metaphorical burns associated with rejection. 

Superficial thickness burn: rejection by silence...the literary equivalent of ghosting.

Superficial partial thickness burn: form rejection, 15 minutes to 2 years later.

Deep partial thickness burn: Did you even read our guidelines? We specifically said no breastfeeding pieces unless absolutely brilliant.

Full thickness burn: I already gave you feedback about tightening up the language last time, which you have not heeded. Please do not submit again.

Deep full thickness: the scientific language here is a lame excuse to be vulgar.

Of course, there are encouraging rejections as well. They're just not quite as memorable, as they leave behind no scar tissue.